What If?
by AspergianStoryteller
Summary: What if Luffy and Usopp found a scary book in the girls cabin? Warnings: just non-decriptive references to boy-love.
1. Chapter 1: A Scary Book

Summary: What if Luffy and Usopp found a scary book in the girls cabin?...

Rating: T

Warnings: references to sexual topics

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. If I did, I could pay my faimilies bills for a while now, couldn't I?

**Chapter 1: A Scary Book. **

*Giggle* *Hee hee* *Snicker*

'What's Nami laughing about?' asked Luffy.

'I dunno,' said Usopp. 'She's been doing that and reading quite a lot since we left Alabasta. I wonder what she's reading?'

'I bet it's funny! Let's ask her.'

'Are you kidding? It's more fun to sneak a look. Let's go while she's navigating.'

Not long after that, the two pirates snuck into the girls cabin. Luffy wandered over to the bookshelf and picked up a book lying open.

'…Hey Usopp, what does this mean?'

'Huh?' The sharpshooter walked over and scanned the page Luffy was indicating. '…ARGH!!!' He ran screaming from the room.

'…?' Luffy took the book to Zoro, who was up in the crows nest.

'Hey Zoro, what does this mean?'

'Where'd you get this from?'

'Nami's room. She's been reading and laughing a lot, so I was curious. Usopp screamed and ran away.'

'Heh. Must be something scary.' Zoro read the page and visibly paled. 'Oh dear, Kami. Get that away form me, Luffy.'

'Hey, where are you going, Zoro?'

'To hide from that hag. If she corners me up here…' The swordsman climbed down with shaking arms.

Luffy decided to ask Chopper next. The doctor was very smart he reasoned. However, Chopper didn't understand the book either.

'Let's ask Sanji,' he said. 'I only understand a few of these strange things. Look's like some sort of therapy.'

They found Sanji in the kitchen, cleaning his knives.

'Hey Sanji,' said Chopper.

'Yeah?'

'Luffy and Usopp found this book in Nami's room because she reads and giggles a lot but Zoro and Usopp got scared and we don't know what it means.'

'Let me have a look at that.' Sanji studied the book and his visible eye widened with fear. He carefuly put down his knives and ran for it.

Luffy and Chopper followed him, confused and found the other boys quaking in terror under the girls beds.

'She won't think to look here,' Usopp said.

'Guys, what are you so scared about?' Luffy asked.

'Nami's a- a _yaoi fangirl!_' Usopp squeaked. 'No wonder she's been giggling pervertedly. And we're trapped onboard with her!'

'Oi, don't talk about Nami-san like that!' said Sanji.

'Then why are you here to?'

'I'm scared. Though Nami-san is beautiful when she's scary!'

'What if she tries to pair us up!?'

'Don't _say _that!' Zoro hissed.

'What's yaoi?'

'You don't know!?' cried the frightened Straw Hat males. Luffy and Chopper shook their heads.

'Go ask Robin,' said Usopp. 'She knows a lot.'

'Hello boys,' said Robin walking in. 'What are you all doing here? I saw you all going in looking terrified.'

'They're scared of Nami's book,' said Luffy.

'Hey Robin, what's yaoi?'

The archeologist looked surprized, then amused. 'So that's what this is about.' She beckoned them closer and whispered something in their ears.

Chopper thought is was sweet, while recognition dawned on Luffy's face.

'Oh, so _that's _yaoi. Why are you guys so scared?'

'How can you not be scared?'

'Why?' asked Chopper. 'Love is so sweet.'

'Chopper, think about it,' said Usopp. 'Sure it's sweet, I've got nothing against it, but Nami's a rabid fangirl. What if she tries to something, naughty to us?'

The sparkles in Chopper's eyes vanished and he to, dived under a bed to quake with fear.

'It's no big deal,' said Luffy. The others stared at him. Was this just their innocent, oblivious captain not understanding again?

'Yaoi is just guys being in love with each other and doing romantic stuff. What's so scary about it? I didn't know the word for it, but there are lots of people like that back in my village. Girl couples to.'

Getting over his surprize, Zoro said 'Luffy, it's not _that _that we're concerned about.'

'It's not? Well, you guys are idiots, but you're still too smart to be scared of that.'

'... Listen, Nami _likes_ yaoi. Too much. Since we're guys, she might try to do something dirty to us.'

Before Luffy could say anything else, footsteps came to the door.

'Shit! It's her!' The boys ducked back into hiding and Zoro hissed 'Luffy, hide!'

Stay tuned... Reviews, anyone?


	2. Punishment For Reading The Scary Book

**Chapter 2: Punishment For Reading The Scary Book. **

_'Luffy, Hide!' _

Nami walked into the cabin and spotted the captain and archeologist. 'Luffy, Robin, have you seen the others? Merry looks deserted.'

'They're hiding because your book scared them, Nami,' Luffy said.

'What book?'

'This one.' Luffy handed her the frightening reading material.

'...Oh, this one! This is a great book! Vivi recommended it to me.'

Under the beds, the boys froze in shock. Vivi!? That sweet, brave, naïve girl?

_You think you know a person _thought Usopp.

'How can somrthing like this scare them?' Nami wondered. 'They all read far worse stuff than this.'

......

'I mean, Zoro's got some pretty R-rated stuff hidden away, and Sanji has all that dirty manga.'

Zoro and Sanji went red and quietly scooched away from each other thinking _how does she know!? _

'Usopp has that book "Carma Sutra" for bedtimes stories,'

Usopp flinched. How did she know about that!? It was a present from Kaya!

'... And Chopper's medical books have all that gory stuff about bodies in them. Why does my little book scare them?'

'Oh, they also called you a yaoi fangirl and said you were out to get them!'

_That baka! _Thought Zoro. _Shut up! You'll give her ideas! _

'Is that so?' Nami got an evil grin on her face and the hidden males shuddered at the vibes she was giving off.

'Why aren't you hiding, Luffy? Aren't you afraid I might do something to _you?_' She moved closer to the young captain.

Zoro was gripped by the urge to rush out and save the poor boy from a terrible fate.

Sanji was thinking _Is he lucky it's Nami-san or unlucky? I can't tell! _

Usopp and Chopper held their breath.

'What do you mean?' Luffy asked. 'Are you going to hit me or something?'

Nami smirked and pushed Luffy up against the wall. 'Hey Robin, care to lend me a hand or few? I'm gonna teach Luffy that he should be very afraid of me.'

_No way... is she going to defile him, right here, now, in front of our eyes? _

'Wha- argh! Mercy! Please have mercy!'

_What the hell are they doing to him!? _

'That tickles so much! Please, mercy!!'

_? _The boys shuffled forward a little and saw a very different situation to what they had been imagining, and much more PG-rated.

Robin's many flowering arms were holding Luffy to the wall while Nami tickled him ruthlessly.

_Phew... _The guys relaxed and soon Luffy screamed 'Please let me go, Nami! I'm afraid of you, ok? Well, when you tickle me!'

'... Good enough.' She stopped the torture and Luffy sat with a thud on the floor, breathing heavily.

'I'll let you off with a little warning. I'm sure it was good example for the others.'

The boys froze.

'Yes, I know you're hiding in here. Don't freak out, I wouldn't do anything to you worse than what you just saw now.'

.....

'If you don;t scram now, you'll be sorry. Let's see, Chapter Seven, here's my bookmark! _"Their passion rivaled the storm outside. Joe felt Ken's silky smooth hands caress his thighs with a gentle touch that brought fire to his skin. He moaned loudy and-thought 'Oh my God, what did Barbie teach this guy to make him so good?' "'_

That was enough. The guys shot out from under the beds and fled as fast as possible. Well, Chopper was calmer about it, but didn't linger in case the was more tickled torture to come and Luffy headed off for the kitchen because the torture had made him hungry.

Nami stopped reading and smiled. 'That got rid of them quickly.'

'You sure scared them,' said Robin.

'Scared them good. And even if my book doesn't frighten Luffy, another torture session will.'

'There's more to that book than meets the eye, isn't there?'

'Yup. My dairy is hidden in here, and our finance details. I think it's safer like this.'

Robin laughed. 'How clever. Maybe the Marines would benefit from document concelment like this. What about the story? Did Vivi really recommend it?'

'She did, actually. There are loads of books like this in thew Alubarna Library. I'm not going to do anything naughty to the boys. _Probably not. _But it is fun making them squirm!'

Thank you for the first review! I decided to update right when I saw it. :) Oh, like my choice of characters for the extract from Nami's book?


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